Have you ever wondered why God speaks to us in such a still, small voice? Sometimes He speaks loud and clear, but many times we have to pay attention to the littlest things and trust it's from the Lord.
I think it has to do with the process He has for each of us. His quiet voice makes us lean in to Him even more. We become more purposeful in taking the time to sit with Him and listen. We pay attention to the littlest things the Holy Spirit is doing. The smallest check, or red flag, in our spirit. We learn how to listen and hear Him. Let's face it, if He always spoke loud and clear, we would never draw closer.
Yesterday was one of those times. We needed to be able to hear His still, small voice in the midst of life swirling around us. I thank God that I have a husband who's willing to sit, wait, and listen, because most of the time when something exciting and good comes along, I'm ready to jump and say, "Let's go!" But thankfully, the Lord has given us lessons to learn from.
A number of months ago we needed a new car. Cory's broke down and we needed to find a good little car that had great gas mileage. As we searched, we found the inventory of those kind of cars in our price range was pretty much non-existent. We were getting nervous. But at the very end of the day we found one! There were minor things wrong that were easily fixable and Cory liked the car well enough. But as he asked me what I thought - he wasn't sure, even though he didn't know why. There was some hesitation in me, but no apparent reason for it, so I pushed it away. We looked at the fact that there seemed to be nothing else out there that fit our needs. This was the best we could find. So we bought it. The next day we got an email from a friend who wanted to offer us a free, and better, car! There was nothing we could do. Then, during the next week, the car broke down. It was fixable, but boy did we learn a lesson. God put those small checks, red flags, in our spirits for a reason. He knew. He was the one working in the heart of our friend to give us their car, because the money we would have saved would have gone into our adoption account.
As I said earlier, yesterday was one of those days again. We were presented with a chance to show our profile to a family with a sweet little boy. There was no risk involved since both birth parents have already signed him over. We could have had a son by the end of the week. We needed to decide quickly, but there was something holding Cory back from the beginning. I was ready to put our profile out there. Why not?! The hardest thing about it was money, and we know God will provide the money. So we waited, prayed on it. Of course I was praying for Cory, that the Lord would speak to Him; give him wisdom and discernment. But it was me who needed to listen more closely.
I was talking with a co-worker about it all, and she asked me: "So, if it wasn't for the fee, you would show them your profile?"
I hesitated.
There was something in me that couldn't say, "Yes! Of course we would!" I knew that feeling. I recognized that check in my spirit the Holy Spirit was giving me. It was awful. I wanted so badly to say yes! What if there isn't another chance to show our profile for a long time? What if I'm wrong? What if. . . . But what if I don't listen.
So we said no, and it was SO HARD! But God knows. He knows who He's working in right now. He knows the exact child for us and is bringing us together in ways that will astound me in the end. I trust Him.
