The Quiet

I used to look forward to a lazy Saturday or Sunday when we could just hang out at home with nothing going on. These days I don't look as forward to them.

I end up pacing in my kitchen, watching my email. Hoping for that one to come through. That one that tells us about a new possibility. Or, better yet, that one that tells us we're gonna have a baby.

Sigh. Today is one of those days.

I am taking advantage of the day...playing games with my girls, getting some laundry done, just being together as a family. But still, I walk by the computer...hoping...with nothing else to keep my mind occupied in the quiet of the day.

Waiting on other people to make decisions that will change my life is so hard...but I keep telling myself it will all be worth it.

Those Who Wait on the Lord

Those who wait and hope on the Lord
~ Are blessed.  Isaiah 30:18
~ He turns and hears their cries.  Psalm 40
~ Will have their strength renewed, soar on wings like eagles, not grow weary or faint.  Isaiah 40:28-31
~ Will not be put to shame.  Psalm 25:3
~ Have Him as their help and shield.  Psalm 33:20
~ He delights in.  Psalm 147:11

These are my promises. And I'm taking them to the bank.

His Strong Love

I love the fresh revelations God gives. When something that we know becomes what we experience.

I've been wondering, asking: How can I continue to have these precious babies brought before me and give a piece of my heart while I pray for them? It's getting exhausting. But it's what God has called me to in our adoption journey. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. But man - How can I keep doing it?!

So often we talk about God's love and we get a picture in our minds of something soft, "ooey, gooey, mushy" type love. Yes, He has emotion toward us. But that is not what held Him to the cross.

As Jesus went through the trials, the beatings, the whippings, carrying the cross down that road, and hanging there, it was not "ooey, gooey, mushy love" that got Him there. He chose it. His love is power. His love is joy.

Hebrews 12:2 tells us: "...for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame..."

What held Him to that cross was that He knew what was next. He knew what joy it would bring Him and the Father to bring us into their family. He desired that - so much! So much that He endured the worst pain and humiliation. Oh the depths of His love for us!

I know the depths of the desire and love I have for my children. And the ache for the one not in my arms yet. And I know that my desire, love, and ache are NOTHING compared to what His is for us.

He can ask me to endure this because He endured so. much. more.

He has also told me how: Heb. 12:1-2 "Therefore since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnared us, and run with endurance the race that lies before us keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of God's throne."

As He moved this on my heart, all I could do was sit and cry. That He would love us that much. That He would CHOOSE us that much.

I am in awe.

Rivers In The Desert

A few years ago, as God was watering the seed in our hearts for adoption, He spoke this word over me as a dear friend was praying with me:

Isaiah 43: 18-19
Do not remember the past events, pay no attention to things of old. Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.

God reminded me of this tonight, as I cry over hearing yet another no. I'm not sure I can see it...the something new yet. But I want to. Make the way, Lord. Bring our rivers in the desert.