The Lord Provides

Provisions from God as of today for our new baby:
~A job for me
~Money for the homestudy, as we've needed it
~Medical insurance, which is necessary to adopt, and the means to pay for it
~A $1000 check in the mail
~Side jobs for Cory that will be able to go directly into the adoption fund
~Many donations from friends for our garage sale - 2 and a half van loads today!
~A crib mattress
~Excitement and support from our friends and family
~Unity in our home

Can't wait to see what comes next!

You Already Are

We were watching the newest movie in the Chronicles of Narnia the other night, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and I was reminded how much I LOVE the ending (if you haven't watched it or read the book and don't want anything given away, you may want to skip this part). At the end, Edmund, Lucy, Eustace, Reepicheep, and Prince Caspian are on the shores of Aslan's Country (I just love the picture that gives us of Heaven). At one point, Caspian asks Aslan if his father is in His Country and is given the choice to find out for himself. But if he chooses to go into Aslan's country, he can never come back to his world. Caspian decides to stay in his world, saying that he spent too much time looking for what was missing instead of ruling well with what he was given. He tells Aslan that he will be a better king. Then Aslan says, "You already are."

"You already are."

That doesn't seem possible to us. Once our heart changes and we see the areas we need to change, improve, or give over to the Lord in a greater way, we expect that we'll have to prove it. We need to live it out before the Lord trusts us with it again.  But God says to us:

"You already are."

That's the way He sees us. There's no striving, only grace. My head knows this, but my heart has been struggling to grasp it lately. Yes, we need to make those changes and follow through on what the Lord shows us. But we don't need to hold our hearts back. He sees us as we really are - in Him.

I've been taken back by how this process of adoption has made me re-evaluate my parenting. I have seen so many areas that need changing and things I want to do better. In many ways, I've questioned if I'm deserving of someone choosing me to be the mommy to their baby.

I too easily forget that God has already chosen me - not only to be mommy to this new little one, but to 3 precious girls already. Not because of who I am, but because of who He's made me. And I'm beginning to open my ears and try to listen to God speaking these words over me: "You already are."

Emotions

We had our second homestudy visit this week, which went really well, and our third and final one is scheduled for the end of May. It's exciting, but we're still only in the beginning stages of this journey!

To prepare for this visit, we had to begin to answer some pretty big questions which mostly revolve around what type of relationship we're open to having with the baby's birth family. As you can imagine, that produced many deep conversations and emotions.

And in the midst of this, God has been trying to draw me out - out of my protective shell. I tend to keep myself detached emotionally when I see a chance of getting really hurt. As I think about the birth mother and family, I really want to have a love for them. I don't want to be detached from them. This is incredibly scary for me!

I've also had many people ask me if I'm excited. Perfectly good and natural question. I'm not sure my response is so natural. My answer has been that I haven't really gone there yet. I think I've been so focused on the process - the things that need to be done - that I've kept my emotions out of it. Yet again, protecting my heart.

Then the other day a friend of mine said she knows someone who's looking to get rid of her baby stuff and as she was thinking of people she knows who are having babies, she thought of us. After all, she said, "You're having a baby!" It dawned on me that I hadn't gone there yet, either.  I think it has to do with the fact that we just don't know anything. We don't have a due date. We don't even have any natural guarantee that this will happen with in the next year!

But I think God is telling me it's time. It's time to open my heart and choose to let myself get emotionally involved. Oh boy does this scare me. I sure am grateful that I can trust God with my heart. Now I just have to live it.

Pure Joy

I was privileged to witness a miracle this week. Some friends have been trying to adopt from Liberia for over two years, and just three months ago it looked completely impossible. But - nothing is too hard for the Lord. That little boy and little girl are in their forever family - snug and warm in their beds with a mom, dad, brother, and sister who love them. Amazing. How do you put it into words - watching that happen? It was pure joy. God is amazing! Simply amazing.

"Is anything too hard for the LORD?" Genesis 18:14

As God would have it, I began a Bible study about the same time as we started this whole adoption process. It's a study on the Patriarchs - or the fathers of our faith - Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Who would think that a study on 3 men and their journey with God would have any applications for going through an adoption! Like I said, God is amazing. :) It has been chalk full of them!

A huge part of the study is based on God's promises. He promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations, that his descendents would be too numerous to count. But Abraham and Sarah had no children, and it would be 25 years since the time of God's promise until they had a son. 25 YEARS! And, Sarah was "past the years of childbearing" (Gen. 18:11) before she became pregnant with Isaac. That tells us she had already gone through menopause.

Where would our faith be - if 25 years had passed and our bodies were incapable? Would we still believe God and trust in His promises? Let me share what my study has to say:

"We often think receiving what we've been guaranteed ought to be a cakewalk, but Scripture shows the opposite is more often true. The most profound things God promised were often fulfilled against the greatest odds and through the most difficult hardships. To God, faith is often the point-God does nothing cheaply. Perhaps the divine nature of a promise fulfilled guarantees its expense. We may receive a hundred unexpected things from God with delightful ease while the fulfillment of some of the things we believe He promised us proves virtually impossible. You see, the impossibility is what makes the fulfillment of the promise fall under the God category. God makes promises man simply can't keep."


The beautiful thing is, there was nothing my friends could do to bring their children home from Liberia. God did it. And nothing can dispute that. Another beautiful thing - it builds my faith (and so many others'). If I ever start to doubt and wonder how on earth God will bring another child into our home, all I have to do is remember all the promises He's already kept.

We have our second of three meetings this coming Tuesday and God is moving and already putting things together for us to be able to have our third sooner than we thought would be possible! I'm excited to see how God will continue to keep His promises - to us and others.